


I love You, But . . .

by ViaDylann



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: I'm sorry in advance!, Its sad. Super sad, M/M, NI, and Z are barely mentioned tbh, li - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-23
Updated: 2015-06-23
Packaged: 2018-04-05 18:16:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4190043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ViaDylann/pseuds/ViaDylann
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis some things to say to Harry. There is also something that needs to be done. They're not the happiest of things. (This synopsis is shit but i don't want to give it away.)<br/>**TRIGGER WARNING** If the darker side of depression triggers you please DO NOT read this! Please stay safe and strong!!</p><p>I also have this posted on my Wattpad that is under the same username!<br/>This idea is partly credited to MaddsLeigh on Wattpad!</p>
            </blockquote>





	I love You, But . . .

“Harry Edward Styles, it's been a long time coming. Two months to be exact. Fuck. Where did the time go? You think- you think you have all this time and you just . . . don't. I know what I told you, time and time again. I know what I said and I never thought I'd see the day that it would turn to be a lie. But, here we are.”

“It's all gone down hill. We were promised forever but what's a promise to fool? A fool who couldn't see far enough down the road? I'm sorry. I don't- I can't think straight with you fogging up my mind. Maybe it's for the best, yeah? Maybe you'll get to be happy. Maybe I'll get to be happy.”

“Harry, I love you but, I can't do this anymore. I've tried for so bloody long but I just can't. These past few days have been hell and It's hard to even think of you without going straight there.”

“I love you but, I can't believe it's even been this long. I've been pulling out my hair and it's been gray fucking skies every fucking day. Cloud after cloud just covering everything, leaving not even a bit of light for me.”

“I love you but, these bloody walls are too fucking small. It's suffocating and you're written all over them. You're written in the photos of good times we shared and the homey colour you chose, In the scuff marks from moving in and the pretty decorative crap that brought this place to life but, I don't see the beauty anymore.”

“I love you but, I can't deal with your shit. What am I suppose to do with it now? Am I to keep the ring you gave me? Because right now I feel like throwing it somewhere I won't be able to find. Maybe it'll numb the pain. And the tattoos, baby. The tattoos burn hotter than you can imagine. They're a constant that keeps you at the forefront of my every bleeding thought!”

“I love you but, I hate you. I hate you for spoiling me, for not making me stop. For loving me too much. I hate how much I fucking crave you. I hate the way you held me close even when I fought against you. I hate that you were always making sure I had no need to start acting like a whiny bitch. I fucking hate chocolate now.”

“I love you but, I hate myself. You know I don't hate any of those things that I just said, well except for the chocolate, but that's not the point. You know I love everything you do for me. I'm just so angry. Maybe if I just stopped for one fucking second...”

“I don't even know what to do with myself anymore. There's nothing that helps me feel. I'm so tired, Hazza. I'm just so tired and you're always fucking there and I need for you to just go! I need you to take the thought of you and leave! It hurts so bad and I'm so scared! I'm so afraid of myself. I don't know where to go, it's like the ground just slipped from right beneath me and I can't figure out which way is up. The lads can't even help, I'm far past caring and I think I've made up my mind. I mean, what's the point anymore? Without . . .”

“I keep thinking back to that day, you know. When I realized. Everything just . . . stopped. Or so it seemed. It went dead silent for me and I haven't seen a sliver of light since. I know you know. I realized we weren't meant to live this life till the end. Not with each other. I know you see that the only light for me are the ones you want to shield me from. They're all right in front of me, Love. It's easily accessible . . .”

“The boys keep coming 'round. I never let them in. They bang on the door and I never open it, I never respond. They stand behind it, both of them, calling my name. And I want to respond, I do. I want to tell Li, Ni, and Zaynie that I'm bleeding but when they find out where it is I'm going . . It'll hurt them so bad. I will hurt them and they will try to stop me, and I know that I'll stay if I see the way I break them so I have to leave unannounced and I can't let them in so I sob, nearly choking, as they call for me outside of my door. I stay behind it with the curtains drawn and your picture by me and I just want to smash it because I need you out ! I'm drowning in your scent and the sound of your voice and the way you used to smile at me.”

“We were two ships. Drifting and weightless. I know you know that I'd do anything to save it but I couldn't. There was nothing I could do to save it and the blazing tattoos that burn like the sun have become a lie. I didn't mean to. Please believe me, I didn't mean to but that's why I'm leaving. I'm leaving to make us happy. It's gonna kill the lads but It's so worth it because your happiness means so much more and I know that's a shit thing to say but it's true. And maybe all of the lines were preparations. The littering on my thighs. Maybe it was so it would be fluid? Is that how it's supposed to be? Or maybe the nights out, the ones you hate. Maybe it was that? Maybe it's a combination? I don't even know but I feel like I should try them both? Tell me what to do! Do you want the lines? Will they fade?”

“To tell you the truth I don't even know if that will make you happy. It's worth a shot though. Right? The chance that you'll be happy? Or maybe I'm just selfish because I can ensure my happiness? The thing is though, that if it turns out you won't be happy then I won't be happy and it would be for no reason. That's why I need you to tell me! I know you won't. You don't want me to go but you do want me to because of the end result, You're too selfless but don't you see that I'm drowning?”

“I have found my vices and I'm gonna do it today. I feel like I should. I feel like it's time. I haven't even eaten in days and I haven't spoken to the lads for the last two months and I know they are losing their minds and I know it's very selfish of me but I have to be. The liquid vice is almost gone and I only have one left. I''m still so scared . . .” 

“I'm sorry I was being so whiny that day. I'm sorry I nagged you into getting me a chocolate bar at half two in the morning... I'm so sorry, Baby.  
“So here I am curled up on the floor in a pool of my tears missing you, like a breath I need to catch, holding a blade to my wrist in hopes I can join you and see you again and maybe just maybe you'll be happy too. Maybe the cuts won't hurt there anymore.”

“It's getting so cold, H, and I can hear the sirens. There, not too close but too close for comfort. I know It was one of the boys because they have been calling non–fucking–stop. They were also banging on the door and I can hear them. They're too late though because It's getting bad. The red is diluted with my tears and theirs are ripping holes in me. I want to tell them I'll be happy.“

“I have loved you since I was eighteen. Long before we both thought the same thing; to be loved and to be in love.”

“I found the strength to do my other arm. I don't know how but maybe it's in anticipation to leave? In anticipation to see the love of my life again? The sirens are so close now and my vision is going dark. I don't think they'll have stitches that can undo this damage.” 

“The front door flies open-

A/N: So that was it! If you have questions about anything, comment or message me! I like knowing whether people like my things or not. Please leave kudos also, it takes a second and I'd like to know if you enjoyed this so that I can write more Fics on here if you like! Also, thank you so much for even reading, even if you didn't like it, just giving this a chance means so much to me!! =)


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